stepping back

In a flash, Christmas is over. Out goes the spirit of giving and hope, and in comes the everyday hum-drum, self centered lifestyle of our society. It's amazing how just the season of Christmas can bring out the best in not only people, but our society in general. It's true that many stores aim to stimulate our purchasing appetites with their season's greetings, but I can't deny the wonderful feeling I get that time of year. I can't help but rest in being with my family and remembering how blessed I really am.

But now, when faced with the post-Christmas reality shock, I get caught up with everything else that really doesn't matter. Just one day after celebrating the most blessed gift God has given mankind, I started stressing out about much smaller things, like raising support. All of the details were distracting me from the goal. All of the inconveniences I was seeing in my life now, were distracting me from my goal. Sharing the truth of God's grace and love is so worth all of the work I'm doing now. I wasn't seeing the forest for the trees. It's these distractions that slow me down from stepping out in faith and trusting God for the results.

But I rest in His grace; realizing that I am distracted in my sin. Thankfully God has condemned sin through His Son Jesus Christ. Sin can't hold me down, even in times like this where the distractions seem so powerful. Life can be so exciting and abundant, if I step back and hand it all over to the One who created it.

The Lion and the Lamb

Chronicles of Narnia is the BEST! Aslan is the king of Narnia. He is beautiful, yet terrifying at the same time. Powerful and fierce, he protects and rules the land of Narnia with justice. At the same time, he is loving and willing to sacrifice for his people. Who other could C.S. Lewis be parelleling this king after other than God Himself! Today, while reading through Hosea I came to a verse the reminded me of Lucy's conversation with Mr. Beaver in Chronicles of Narnia:

Then [Aslan] isn't safe?" said Lucy."Safe?" said Mr. Beaver;"..."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good.

In Hosea 13, he speaks of the Lord's anger against Israel. In his anger, the Lord is a lion. He is fierce and powerful, strong and commanding. Just like Aslan's roar commanded attention in his presense, so the Lord commands us all to acknowledge Him. I don't acknowledge that God is powerful and worthy of such reverence. If I was in the presense of a lion, I would be sure not to cross him, yet I frivolously trespass on the Lord's rules everyday. God speaks of His power , which I fail to recognize in these verses of Hosea 13:6-8:

When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me. So I will come upon them like a lion, likea leopard I will lurk by the path. Like a bear robbed of her cubs, I will attack them and rip them open. Like a lion I will devour them; a wild animal will tear them apart.

This is the Lord's wrath and what we fully deserve. He is more powerful than we could ever imagine, yet more merciful than we could ever hope for. Just as Mr. Beaver said to Lucy in Narnia, " 'Course he isn't safe, but he's good." I'm so thankful that God provided His Son to make up for all that we lack. What we deserve--death--His Son did on the cross and then overcame even that. Now, I can come to the throne of God and need to be more reverent in doing so...after all this He is not just the lamb, He is the lion as well.

Our love that disappears

Come let us return to the Lord...he will bind up our wounds. - Hosea 6:1

So often, I approach and seek God for what He can do for me. Of course, I know in my mind that my purpose in life is for HIS glory not my own; yet, my discourse with God proves that my heart has not fully gotten there yet. Here, Hosea gives us an example of the unrepentant heart. While in need of something from God, it's easy to seek Him with our requests. We know that He desires to bless us, and is faithful to provide for our needs. But what about my part? It's easy for me to turn away from sin and turn to God in the short term, but what about the change of our heart that is necessary to remain faithful to God. Our unfaithful heart is described in this:

Your love is like the morning mist,
like the early dew that disappears. (Hos. 6:4)

I've heard about the need to repent immediately after sin so much that I can identify with this problem. I agree that repentance immediately is important, but are we emphasizing the time it takes over true repentance? To be true in your confession, there must be serious consideration of what changes need to take place in my life. Here the Israelites were quick to confess their need for God and were willing to acknowledge Him. Yet, their love was short lived and untrue. They were not willing to make a life change in order to follow the Lord, only for long enough to get what they wanted. Oh how easy it is to pass judgement on these Israelites....Until I remember that I'm the exact same way.

As sinful people, we want the easy way out- the quickest fix. We want the quick sacrifice to take care of everything, rather than the continual sacrifice of ourselves throughout life. God has a definite answer to that:

For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgement of God rather than burnt offerings. (Hos 6:6)

raw thoughts on where I'm at

This week has been good for me. No, I haven't gotten any new monthly supporters. In fact, I've only had 4 appointments scheduled at all and my biggest one cancelled. Support really hasn't been all that great at all, but this week shines as a point where I'm learning to rest in the Lord's plan. These past few months have been filled with anxiety over performing. Not for God, but for people. Worrying because I was not fulfilling the standards others have set for my life. I'm coming to realize that it is way too stressful living that way...and certainly does not reflect a life characterized by faith. I want so badly to get to Indianapolis and begin ministry there. But I've begun to analyze even that desire. Is it from God or am I trying to impress others by getting there quickly? I'm not denying the need to work hard at what I'm doing:

Whatever you do, work hard at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord. not for men, since you know that you will recieve an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. -Col. 3:23

My problem is that I'm not acknowledging who the Boss is. When my big appointment cancelled this week, I was tempted to feel resentful towards God. I wondered why he would not allow an appointment where I would get in touch with ~20 potential supporters to come to pass. But, the truth is that God works all things together for good and He makes decisions in our lives for a reason. I just have to trust that God can raise the money any way He chooses. He's not poor--He can raise it from one supporter, or from 200! I just need to be willing and faithful enough to pursue my calling prepared for either situation. One of my friends told me going into this process that it's at the point where we loose all anxiety and have our full faith in God's plan for us, however long or short it takes---THAT is when the Lord will truly bless us with all He has for us. Even in these short months God has taught me so much! Why would I choose to step out of His will and into ministry before He has me ready to do that?!? So for now, I'm trying to practice quieting my anxious soul and be still before God, knowing that He is truly in control.